The legend of Parodies, The minish cap
by Gemini Gamer
Summary: Link's unepic adventure begins.
1. Day of the festival

Oblivion-Hey, sup? Anyway heres a new story by, me! The Account has been very quiet by the way...Its like a ghost town...hopefully this story will have something happen here. Enjoy! This shall be a parody of one of my favorite games, The legend of Zelda...The Minish cap! And let the randomness start!

Disclaimer- I don't own legend of Zelda or anything else that will be used here.

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The Legend of Parody's: The Minish cap.

A long long long long long long long long long long looooooooooooooong time ago...

When the world was on the verge of being swallowed by the shadow...

The tiny Picori came down from the sky, bringing the hero of men a sword and golden light.

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane! Wait no, planes haven't been invented yet..."

"IT'S SUPER MAN!!!"

With wisdom and courage, the hero drove out the darkness.

"YOUR ALL IDIOTS!!! TAKE THIS SWORD AND GOLDEN LIGHT AND SAVE YOUR OWN ASSES!!!"

When peace had been restored, the people enshrined the blade with care.

"Well, what shall we do with it?"

"What else? Throw it in the closet with the rest of the junk!"

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In a house on the outskirts of a town you could hear clanging metal. And after hearing it for five hours straight you kinda get sick of it...

"Would you STOP WITH THE DAMN CLANGING SO I COULD SLEEP FOR TWO MINUTES GRANDPA?!!?!?" An irritated voice from up stairs of the house yelled.

"Link just go to sleep I'm done!" Links grandpa yelled.

Meanwhile outside the house a blondie young girl was walking towards this house. And entered. Then went over to Links grandpa.

"Good morning black smith smith!" she said to him.

"Oh my goodness, princess Zelda!" the old man exclaimed.

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"Did you sneak out of the castle and came here all by yourself?!"

"And?"

"The Minister is sure to be worried about you! You know how he gets!"

"Yes, he gets angry and beats me! But screw him! I want to see my Linky!"

"Ah, your boyfriend."

"SHE IS NOT MY GIRL FRIEND AND IM NOT YOUR 'LINKY'!!!!"

"Oh Link, I know your just shy..."

" I WILL SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME!!! I AM NOT YOU-AHHHHH!!!" Link was not looking where he was going and fell down the stairs. "OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!" He hit the floor with a large thud "owww!" He stood up "That coast two of my hearts..." He walked over to Zelda and his grandpa.

"Link, your girl friend's here." His grandpa said

"She's not my girl friend!" Link replied

"Oh no need to hide it, I told everyone in town about 'us'! Said Zelda

"Say whaaaaaat?! When was there ever 'us'?!" Zelda ignored what Link just said and pointed her attention to his grandpa.

"I was hoping that Link could come with me to the annual festival! If you don't terribly mind."

"Not at all."  
"I terribly mind!"

"Well lets get going then!"

"Hold on Link! I need you to do me a favor." His grandpa takes out a sword "I just finished this swo-"

"The thing that kept me up all night!"

"And I need you to deliver it to the minister at Hyrule castle."

"Well first off, thanks for pointing out the obvious! Second, why don't you do it you lazy ass!?"

"But my pore old bones hurt from working all night."

"And my ass hurts from sitting on it!"

"Then you should have no problem doing this!" He hands Link the sword.

"Yeah know what? I just give up! I can't win!"

"Lets go!" Zelda exclaims as she ran out the door.

"My God she moves faster then wonder woman!" Link follows after her at half her pace.

"Have fun with your girl friend and find a quiet place for some real fun!" Links grandpa told him.

"...I'm pretending I never heard that..."link said.

"I HEARD THAT!!! IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!" Zelda came back and started dragging Link to the festival.

"I (BEEP)ING HATE YOU GRANDPA!!!!!" Link was trying as hard as he could to loosen the grip Zelda had on him.

"Remember Link!" His grandpa started "Take good care of Zelda! She's the princess!" Then Link started to talk to himself.

"No (BEEP) sherlock..."

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Oblivion:and now click the little button in green and tell me what you think! Trust me it gets much better next chapter. I really need some motivation please review.


	2. Pulling swords, carnival crap

Oblivion-well, heres chapter 2. hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer-first chapter you dumb bananas!

Chapter 2-pulling swords, carnival crap and stone cold princess'

After a few seconds of walking and dragging they made it to town.

"Here we are honey." Zelda said.

"Honey?" Link asked. "What happened to 'Linky'?"

"I switch between pet names to make it more fun."

"You really are insane aren't you?"

"Well maybe I picked the wrong guy!" Zelda then turned the other way with a huff. Link then sighed.

"Look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings" Link went wide eyed "My God I really do need sleep if I'm caring about someones feelings."

"Alright. Lets hug it out!" Zelda then puts link in the dreaded death hug.

"Not...gasp...the death...gasp...hug..." The hug is loosened and Link's air ways clear "Inhale, exhale. Inhale..." Finally the hug ends and Link steps back and mutters to himself "I hope theres a hotter chick in the next game."

"What was that?"

"Oooh, nothing!" They head inside of Hyrule town.

"Come on! Look at this!" Zelda runs off to one place to another saying things like "Hey, this looks weird! Look isn't this petty?! Listen to the old mans story!"

"I thought the nightmare ended in Ocarina of time..."

"Hey! Check this out!"

"Dear Lord what now?" Link looked over to see Zelda won a raffle. "Well at lest she's not sayi-"

"Look! I won!"

"Why do I even bother?" Link asked himself as he walked over.

"You really should stop talking to yourself Link." Said Zelda.

"Whatever." replied link.

"Congratulations Princess! You won!" Said the ruffle person that no one really cares about

"Whoop de do. Show me my prize!"

"Ah, but you can chose your prize! Here are the choices." One item appeared from nowhere. "This rope." Another one. "This rock." Yet again another. "And this super small shield!"

"Well, I could strangle someone with the rope, or throw a rock at someone, but I think I will go with the shield!" Zelda picked up the shield. "Here Link, I want you to have this!"

"Is that the only reason you got it?"

"Yep!"

"Thought so." Link takes the shield and holds it up high while random music went off in the back round. "What the hell?!" Link looks around to see nothing. "That is creepy."

"Come on Link!" Zelda then grabbed links hand into a empty tent.

"Um, why are we in here?"

"You remember what your grandfather said!"

"................Shit..."

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Link and Zelda walked out of the tent with wrinkled cloths. Everybody around them was looking at both of them knowing what they did with Links screams of terrier. Link held up his middle finger.

"(BEEEEEEEEEP) You all!" Then walked away.

One man in the crowd said four words.

"Thats what she said." High fives all around.

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"Hurry up Link!"

"I'm forever scared."

"Why?"

"...I freaking hate you." Link and Zelda where walking along a path to the Castle. Zelda was then hit with a rock.

"OW!"

"What? Bug bite on your ass?"

"No that thing over there hit me with a rock! Asshole!" The thing sniffed.

"Why you gotta be so mean? I'm never letting you through!"

"Well, we're not going around him that easy."

"Reallyyyyy?!" Link said. "You think!?"

"If we only had something to protect ourselves with..."Zelda said.

"Your kidding right?"

"No, we need something to protect ourselves with!"

"...Why must you hurt my brain with your stupidity?" Link then takes out his shield.

"Hey! Where'd you get the shield?!" Links eye twitched.

"I'll ignore that little comment..." Link in front of this monster while it threw a rock at him and rebounded to its self

"Okay, you are all cruel! I'm never coming back!" The seed looking thing left into the ground and Link and Zelda kept moving on.

"Here we are!" Said Zelda.

"Finally!"

"Princess Zelda!" The Minister said. "Link! Did you bring the sword?"

"No." Said Link. "I dropped the sword in the near by lake!"

"Give it here!" The minister grabbed the sword from Link. "By the way, my names Potho."

"Potho? Trust me, you would be laughed at in the present day world soooo much!"

"Zelda! You are late for award ceremony!"

"Excuse me Link but I have to prepare." Zelda leaves.

"FINALLY THANK YOU LORD SHE'S GONE!!!"

"Link! Why don't you join use for th-"

"Forget it! Theres nothing here that will make me stay!"

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"Why must you be so good ribs!?" Link was watching some guards take some sword out of the castle. Of course while eating ribs.

"Do you know about that sword, Link?" The Minister asked.

"Um, besides its a sword with a weird handle?

"That is the Picori blade, and it locks much evil in that chest."

"Whats in it?"

"My dirty underwear."

"That Is most evil of all."

"That is why the Picori thingy is sacred to all the people of Hyrule. And who ever wins the cat fight games wins a chance to touch the blade."

"Woooow. Maybe next year I should enter." Just then Link sees The king and Zelda come out of the castle "Crap."

"HEY LIINK!"

"Let the ceremony begin!" Potho exclaimed."Vaati, you may approach the blade!"

"Great." A Man in purple hair and skin walked up to the sword. "heh heh heh! To think I walked past those gates, there so rusty! Anyway, I will have the thing I'm looking for that is most likely in that chest! So give it here!" The guards then attacked when they got close...

"REJECTED!!!" Vaati yelled as he sent guards flying and then summoned a ball of energy. "DENIED!!!" His energy ball broke the sword and opened the chest. Ghost came out of it and hit the King and Potho completely ignoring Link and Zelda.

"Who are you? Why are you doing this?" Zelda

"Did the man not say my name a few seconds ago?! And now I must turn you to stone, Princess."

"Why?!"

"Because I feel like it!"Vaati summoned another ball'o'energy. Link stood in the way with his shield. "That shield is worthless against me!" He shot.

"Oh crap!" Link jumped out of the way in time but hit his head on a rock and was now unconscious on the ground. Zelda was turned into a statue, less important.

"Now to claim my prize." Vaati looked in the chest. "Underwear?! What the hell am I supposed to do with this crap?!" He looked around to see if anyone was watching the put a pair of under wear in his pocket. "You never know. Now to find what I'm really looking for." he then leaves.

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Oblivion-now everyone should know why this is rated T. now I want at least 3 more reviews before I update to see what you think. Until next chapter!


	3. More ribs!

Oblivion-Considering my sister doesn't use this any more, I'm thinking about just changing the name to Gemini Gamer! No s. and also I finally got free time on my hands! So, here is chapter three of my parody, now scroll down the page and enjoy!

Note-spoiler alert

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Chapter 3-More ribs!

Link woke up from his slumber in a bed screaming.

"NOOO! MIDNA!" Link looked around and sighed to realize it wasn't real. "Oh my God! I have the BEST dream! I dream that Nintendo made another game for some system called the Wii and they pared me up with some imp thing called Midna who was from the realm of twilight and she said to collect all the shadow whatever pieces and I said OK for no reason and we collect them but failed defeating gannadork, so we go get the master sword and we collect the mirror of twilight pieces, and then we went to the realm of twilight and then we went back to the real world and killed gannadork and then Midna turned into a sexy skinny bitch, and then she leave to her world and then I realized she would be ,much better to do then Zelda, so I didn't want her to leave but she breaks the mirror and the worlds were disconnected and then I gasped and me and Zelda stood there for hours!" Link sighed with depression "I wish it was real as much as I wish Avatar was real.." Link didn't know it, but he had very bad grammar. Also he saw the future.

"Hello." Link looked over the other side of the room to see a maid. "I have your clean cloths ready." She held up links cloths. Link then realized he was indeed, naked. Link covered himself with the bed covers.

"Why does everyone touch me in inappropriate places!" Link grabbed his cloths and put them on.

"I did nothing of the sort!" Said the maid. "I just toke off your cloths and-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF THAT SENTIENCE!" Link ran out of the room at full speed. Then proceeded into the grand hall of the castle. Meeting the king and half of his army. The other half were "Working" near the local bar.

"Oh, your awake..." Said blacksmith smith. "I know you tried to protect your-"

"You say girlfriend, I will murder you in your sleep."

"But it appears she's turned to stone." Link started to develop tears. "You okay Link?"

"I'm fine..." Link says starting to sob. "I've just never been this happy before!"

The king sat on his chair eating a whole plate of ribs in under five minutes. "I'm surprised he can still hold up the food." Says Link. The king (finished with his ribs) starts chomping on the bones. "How the hell did Zelda come from that big piece of shi-"

"Alright men," The king says. "We need to get the sword fixed, someone needs to fix my daughter so that boy stops crying catch vaati, rat boy, avatar guy, what ever the hell his name was, and would someone get me another damn plate of ribs!"

"Am I the only one shocked that this fat ass is still breathing?" Link asks.

"On to fixing the sword." Says the king,

"Of course I am."

"What do we know about the Picori?"

"They are very tiny and do not reveal themselves to humans." Says smith. "But they do to children."

"Then lets send Link." Said the king. A cook then came out with a plate of ribs. The king takes them and takes a bite, then spites it out. "I told you honey BBQ! Not ranch sauce!" The king threw the plate of ribs at the chief and knocked the chief over. "Anyway send Link."

"Aw hellllll no!" Link said.

"We'll pay you." Says the king.

"Keep talking..."

"With my daughters love."

"Of course."

"Then it's settled," Says the king. "You shall do this for the love of my daughter...you freaking weird ass elf thing."

"Oh great!" Link says "Another stupid adventure, of course, staring me!"

"Take the broken what-ever you people call this thing with you and heres smith's sword."

"I come to deliver it, and it comes straight back to me." Link takes both items and back round music goes on again. "Now this is just getting freaking creepy." Link leaves.

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Link walks out side the castle to see Zelda was left outside the castle and Zelda is covered in bird poop. "I couldn't ask for anything better..." Link says to himself. Then he take the west route into the forest.

Links un-epic adventure begins!

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Oblivion-Sleepy, going to bed for, 20 hours. Leave review...or don't. I'm not forcing you.


	4. Border Patrol

_Oblivion-Chapter four, nothing more..._

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Chapter 4- The border patrol who lives under the bridge.

Link walks back into town to realize he went in a circle.

"What the hell?" Link walks back out and comes straight back in. "I'm taking the path south what the hell?" Link takes out the map. "Ohhhhh I'm holding the map sideways...I wish I had a person to help me know where I'm going. Like that fairy but very less annoying." Link then takes the correct path south and runs into a red ball that shoots nuts. "What the hell is that thing?" Link asks. "It looks like some ball with legs craping projectiles." The little monster cries a tear.

"I may look weird," It says. "But thats no reason to insult me!" The monster starts to cry.

"Whats wrong man?" Another red ball comes over.

"HE MADE FUN OF ME!"

"No I didn't!" Link exclaims.

"Alright men," The ball says. "Get ready!" Another 10 red balls come out and aim their noises (Or which ever end they're using) Towards Link. "FIRE!"

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Link drags himself up a hill in much pain ready to cry. "They're so mean!" Link holds up his finger "They gave me a boo-boo on my finger!" Link then sees a random heart on the ground. "The heart will comfort my pain." Link then hugs the heart and the heart disappears and links "Boo-boo" Goes away. "I feel much better now!"

Link continues Down the path till a mole comes out of the ground. "Hey there little guy, want a cookie?" The mole then goes into the ground. "How rude!" The mole then comes back out with nine more of his friends stacked up on top of each other. "yays!" Link screams. "Acrobat moles!" Link then sits on a random bench with a bag of pop-corn and a cup of soda waiting for a show. The moles just scratch their heads.

"This guy is stupid, lets get out of here." One mole says then they leave into the ground.

"Hey!" Link exclaims. "I want my show!" Link then pouts, throws his food on the ground, and proceeds down the road.

Link stops at a bridge. "Hey look! A convenient bridge that looks not one bit suspicious." Link takes one step closer and a man comes out from under the bridge and jumps in Links way. Link gasps. "It's the border patrol!" The border patrol then turns on his stereo.

"I'm the border patrol,who lives under the briiiiiidge!" Link give the singing border patrol a 'what the hell' look. "It's required I sing to all passing bystanders." The border patrol says.

"Oh, please, continue." Link responds. The man continues on with his song.

"If you wanna come over, all you have to do is this, all you have to do is thiiiisssss...solve my math equation!" The border patrol then holds up a piece of paper with the worlds hardest math equation in history. "What is 2+2?" Link then turns to the camera.

"I need your help." Link says. "Will you help me answer the math equation?"

"Hell no." Says the gamer playing the game.

"Great!" Link says. "Now, to solve the problem, we're gonna need to take out our sword. Take out our sword!"

"I don't want to." Says the gamer.

"TAKE OUT THE FUCKING SWORD!" Link exclaims as the gamer takes out the sword. "Now, take the sword and slice the border patrols head off."

"Wait what?"

* * *

Link comes back on camera with a bloody sword. "We did it!" Link breaks into song. "We did it, we did it, hooray!" Link gives a thumbs up. "We did it! Thanks for helping!" Link continues up the path. Into the minish woods.

* * *

Link walks into the minish woods.

"This forest is very depressing...I LOVE IT!" Link frolics through the forest without a care in the world. Then he falls on the ground and lands flat on his face. He gets back up with mud and blood on his face. "My fan girls will hate me...i feel so alone!" Link then cries for the not true statement 'cause all his fan girls wanted to rape the little loner even more. Link then can't bare life and jumps in the lake nearby and reappears on the ground. "That makes no fucking sense but okay!" says Link. Then he goes down through the forest and come to a log in his path. "Oh no a log! This somehow prevents me from stepping on top of it and walking on it so I must find another path!" link then realizes he is lost. "Hmmm, I better consult the map." Link takes out the map and the map is asleep. "Map. I need your help!" The map starts to snore. "Maaap!" Snores even louder. "MAP GET YOUR FAT ASS UP BEFORE I BURN YOU!" The map immediately gets up and starts singing.

"I'm the map I'm the map I'm the-" The map is then hit in the head by a fairy.

"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GUILD HERE BITCH!" The f airy attacks the map

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" The map screams in pain.

"Hell no your on your own!" Link runs into the forest.

"NOOOOOO!"

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_Oblivion-and there you have it! The end of the border patrol and without a map, link is doomed...but not really._


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